Criminality: The Pathway to Success?

The time has come, America, to rethink our misguided stance on convicted felons. For too long, we've kept these misunderstood souls out of our neighborhoods, denied them access to public housing, barred them from employment, and discouraged them from pursuing their full potential. But if we're prepared to place a man with 34 felonies, some of them financial, plus a little matter of a sex crime, into the ultimate "public housing" of the White House, isn't it time to reconsider our standards for everyone else?

Honesty, that quaint little virtue we've all clung to, is clearly holding us back. What has being upright and decent done for any of us, really? Maybe a stable job, an honest living, and a good night's sleep, but who needs that when deceit, cunning, and shameless maneuvering can lead you straight to the highest office in the land? Surely if criminal genius is good enough for the Oval Office, it's good enough for the rest of us.

It's time to abandon the notion that only the morally unblemished deserve second chances. If one man can rise to ultimate power with a record that reads like the rap sheet of a Bond villain, why shouldn't our neighbors get a fair shot at renting an apartment, landing a job, or, heaven forbid, voting? Let's be brave and embrace a little "flexibility" with the truth. Finesse your resume, tweak the truth, bend a rule or two, and let’s show America what we're really capable of, dishonest, untrustworthy, and finally free.

Let's open the doors, wide and without shame, to every miscreant, scoundrel, and scofflaw. If the White House can welcome them, surely so can we. Together, we’ll make dishonesty the new honesty, and criminality the pathway to success. After all, if it’s good enough for the presidency, it’s good enough for us all.

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